


Mating Advice

by Dreatine



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 08:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1092009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreatine/pseuds/Dreatine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Awhile back, the straggletag mentioned that she wondered if Charming would go to Rumplestiltskin for advice about his wedding night, since he went to him for everything else. Charming goes to Rumpelstiltskin for wedding night help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mating Advice

**Author's Note:**

> For the straggletag

He paced around the castle, wondering what he was going to do. Snow was asleep in her room, so he couldn’t bother her with his concerns. And the dwarves. Well, there was no way he was asking them for help. To them, Snow was like a sister and they were the older brothers. No, there was only one person who could help him. The question was would he help and how much it was going to cost him.

~~~~

He was spinning in the room, her room to be exact, but he didn’t want to dwell on that fact at all. Slowly, slowly, the wheel spun, the only sounds were his steady breathing and the creaking of the wheel. Both caused him to forget for a moment, always only a moment of his past, his regrets. He continued to spin, when…

"RUMPELSTILTSKIN!"

He groaned, halting the wheel. 'Not again.' he thought.’What does he want now?’ He opted not to say anything, hoping the little prince would go away.

"Rumpelstiltskin?"

'No such luck, he mused as he heard the prince's footsteps running towards the library. The door flew open and Charming ran in. “Rumpelstiltskin!. There you are!”

"Where else would I be, dearie? This is my castle after all."

"I need your help."

"Of course you do. "Rumple said sarcastically. "So, what is it now? Stye in the eye? Boils in an unwanted area?"

Charming shook his head. “No, nothing like that. More personal.”

"Well, if you want to be a shepherd again, I’m sorry no can do."Rumple got up, walked to his potions table. "No round trip stations of life changes. Only one-ways."

"No."Charming sighed. He shifted from one foot to another uncomfortably. "Well, as you know, Snow and I are getting married.."

"Congratulations! Now, go."Rumple replied, looking through his ingredients. ‘I need more frog’s tails,’ he thought, picking up the last one and dropping it into a vial.

"Thanks." Charming said quickly. "But, I need help with the wedding…"

"You want me to officiate? How touching!" Rumple said, putting his hand over his heart.

A panic looked crossed Charming’s face. “No!” his shoulders slumped. “Need help with the wedding night.”he mumbled.

"What was that again, dearie? Please speak up!"

Straightening his shoulders, Charming looked directly at Rumpelstiltskin. “I said, I need help with the wedding night.”

Rumple dropped the vial he was holding, causing all the potion he was working on to spill our. 'Damn!' he said to himself, whirling around to face Charming. “Did I hear you right? You mean, you and the princette need help with…” he twisted his fingers criss-crossed, imitating a coupling.

Charming nodded. Rumple shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this.” he cried.”You want me to..What exactly? Teach you? Explain things to you?”

"Yes. All of it."

Rumple growled. “You were a shepherd. You herded sheep. Didn’t you watch them mate? It’s the same concept.”

Charming blushed.” My mother thought it was too provocative for me to watch as a boy.”

"You’re a man, now."

"I still give them some privacy." The prince replied, sheepishly.

Rumple rolled his eyes. “How charming.” He walked over to the royal. “If I am to do this, what will I get in return?”

"Name your price."

"Aahh.. My three favorite words." Rumple smiled devilishly. "How about you’ll owe me a favor?"

"Deal." Charming stuck his hand out, waiting for Rumple to take it. Realizing the imp wasn’t going to shake his hand, he withdrew it. "So, when do I do this favor?"

"Patience, dearie. In this land or any other, you’ll repay me." Rumple replied, in a tone that caused a shiver to run through the prince’s spine.

"Thank you, Rumpelstiltskin." Charming offered. "Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone."

"Oh, I know you won’t, princeling."Rumple countered, a smirk on his face. "Do you really want the entire kingdom to know that you went to the Dark One for mating advice?"

Charming shook his head. “No. So, when do we start?”

Clapping his hands, Rumple replied, impishly. “Right now, dearie!” And before Charming could reply, he was being engulfed in a huge cloud of smoke.

~~~~

As the smoke cleared, Charming fell to his knees, feeling light headed. “Careful,now.” Rumple said. “Magical transportation isn’t for everybody.”

Slowly, Charming stood up. The clearing seemed familiar to him somehow. The trees, the meadow, the small house. He knew exactly where they were. Turning to Rumple, he exclaimed. “My mother’s farm?” he put his hands on his hips. “Why are we here?”

"To watch the sheep mate, of course!" Rumple replied, walking towards the farm. The prince raced to catch up, grabbing Rumple’s arm. "Watch sheep mate? I thought you were going to tell me or give me a book or something. Not this." he gestured toward the pen.

Rumple looked down at his arm, then back up to Charming, a scowl on his face. The prince let go immediately. ” Princely, I don’t have time for you to learn your ABCs. My time is valuable.” he waved his hand and bench materialized. Gesturing toward the bench, he sat down waiting for Charming to do the same. “You need visuals.”

Rubbing his hands on his pants nervously, Charming asked. “All right. What now?”

"Just watch." Rumple said, impatiently. "You really need to learn patience. Trust me, the princette will appreciate it."

Before Charming could reply, a sheep bleeped loudly, causing the two men to look at the enclosed pen. The sheep, male, bleeped to get the other sheep’s attention. The ewe looked at the male and bleeped back. She sidled up to him and proceeded to sniff him thoroughly. The male reciprocated, smelling the ewe from head to tail.They continued to do that for several minutes, before finally, the male mounted the ewe from behind.

As the scene unfolded, Rumple turned to Charming to see if he was paying attention. He noticed the prince studying intensely, his brow furrowing. ‘Hope he doesn’t break his brain.’ he thought to himself.

"Charming."

"Hmm?"

"Are you starting to see the concept?"Rumple asked, slightly worried. He hoped Charming was following along. "What they are doing right now? It’s the exact same thing a husband and wife do. Different positions, if you want, not just the one you see." Rumple snapped his fingers, as if he remembered. "Oh, and the sniffing isn’t required."

Charming looked at Rumple, replied sincerely. “Why not? Snow smells good.”

Rumple groaned. 'I can't believe I'm relying on these two, him especially for the curse.' he mused. 'If I'm lucky, the savior will take after Snow White.'

Rumple continued to watch the prince who was beginning to move his fingers in the air, as if to commit to memory the actions the sheep were doing for later use. 'Wonder if it's too late to choose another true love child.' Rumple wondered, drily as he heard Charming mutter something under his breath about Snow and how she’ll love hearing about the sheep.

~~~

The End


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